It felt good. It felt like life. My finger touched a button and the ringing stopped. Had I turned the phone off? No, I heard a voice. It sounded like a choir of angels, even though I could tell it was only one woman. ‘Tina, Tina, are you there? It’s Mommy. Tina? Answer me. Are you OK? Tina?’ I couldn’t really talk. I couldn’t move the phone. But I sure as hell could croak. ‘Tina’s not here.’ ‘Who’s this? What did you say? Where’s Tina?’ the voice said. ‘Joe. I work with Tina. She can’t come to the phone.’ ‘Where is she?’ ‘Don’t know,’ I lied. No sense complicating things right now. ‘Where are you?’ ‘In front of our office, I guess. That’s where we were, anyhow.’ ‘Why do you have her phone?’ ‘Found it. Look, I need help.’ ‘What happened? Where’s Tina?’ ‘Explosion, I guess.’ I let the second question slide. ‘Hello?’ she said. ‘I’m having trouble hearing you.’ ‘Send help. I’m stuck. I can’t move. I’m buried. I’m impaled, I guess. I can’t pick up the phone. It hurts a lot.’ ‘Put Tina on. I was shocked when she mentioned, in a small voice, her last visit to my apartment.Until that moment, I had not realized that she could remember what had happened while she was under my control. It had never dawned on me that I had left my "victims'" memories intact, recording the details of their actions.Other details crystallized. I had briefly wondered if Francine had been avoiding me at work but I had been too busy to pay attention. Kaitlyn had left noisily earlier that week. Was this backlash from the lowered inhibitions? When Lucy spoke frankly about her embarrassment, I realized that I was holding my breath. Seeing her, so vulnerable and open, I felt close to her. I admitted to having been consumed by work the last week but apologized for not calling or taking the time to talk with her. I confessed that our passionate encounter had been spur of the moment but that I hadn't meant to hurt her. All of this was true, I told myself. I had only omitted what had instigated the.
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